The problem with insecurities is that it has a characteristic of snowballing into something uncontrollable and big. Once an insecurity germinates in our mind it is best to nip it in the bud. Any time spent in watering the bud, even if accidentally, can be dramatically dangerous for the wellbeing of the individual. In fact, insecurities have been known to have many at its gun point including some very well-known and seemingly successful personalities. In fact, it has a very impressive head count.
To be born as a human means to be born with many vulnerabilities, fragilities and shortcomings. I consider it to be the beauty of life or nature that it has this inherent characteristic to balance things. Where it gives us strengths it balances by giving us weaknesses, where it gives us opportunities it balances by giving us adversities and so on and so forth and between these pairs of extremes is that beautiful conundrum called life that keeps vacillating between these extremes. Life, thus, is like a series of never-ending struggles. Most of the times our fiercest struggle is against our own internal demons. These internal demons are so powerful that they could make an external situation appear insurmountable. I think the most menacing of internal demons or human fragilities is ‘Insecurity’. Which means our fiercest and longest struggle for a lifetime is against ‘insecurities’. Although, I must also say that insecurity is a great leveler, as it afflicts just about everyone without discrimination. Insecurities! There is no end to the list of things that we as humans could be insecure about. Thus, how individuals deal with these insecurities is what becomes the sole factor in determining whether we would be happy, sad, successful, failures, contented, depressed or even suicidal. There are many who have fallen prey to their own insecurities and have surrendered their and lives meekly to it.
What are we usually insecure of? Interestingly whatever we identify ourselves with could be the source of our insecurities. For example, I identify myself with my car and if I see someone else with a bigger car I feel insecure. I think insecurities have to do with:
- Material Possessions
Yet, if you look at it, without comparison, rejection or failure there is no improvement, no growth and no learning. It could be safely concluded that insecurities are unavoidable. So, the question should not be about ‘how to avoid insecurities’ the question should be about ‘how to deal with our insecurities’. To deal with insecurities we primarily need to deal with the thoughts we tend to have about insecurities. To deal with the thoughts we have about insecurities, we need to understand the characteristics of these thoughts:
They are addictive and tend to snowball
Once thoughts of our insecurities start filling our mind, they are so addictive, we tend to keep dwelling about it again and again and again. We become helpless as more and more thoughts of our insecurities keep rushing in and we feel ok to stay with them for longer periods of time. Also, if we started with thoughts on one insecurity and dwelled on it for some time, soon thoughts about some other insecurity start rushing in and before we realize it snowballs out of control into some massive monster that we find hard to control. However, like any other addiction, you cannot give it up bit by bit. It’s all or nothing game. Also, like any addiction, it’s a lifestyle thing. Once a thought about insecurity strikes us it’s best dropped at once. If it is difficult to drop them then, its essential that we alter out lifestyle to prevent those insecurities from taking control of us. For example, if an individual has had a breakup that has exposed some of the internal insecurities then it is advisable to alter whatever the individual was doing when in the relationship to prevent those thoughts about insecurities from striking back. Like take a different route to office, drink different, meet different set of people, develop new pass times.
They are low energy predators and thus action arresters
Thoughts about our insecurities strike when we are low on energy. The fact that they are themselves energy sappers also makes the matters worse as they ensure we stay in a state of low energy and hence these thoughts continue to feed on it. Thus it’s essential to break this vicious cycle and raise our energy levels by engaging in some rigorous physical activity which could get the adrenaline pumping and also release mood uplifting hormones which tend to increase the level of activity pulling an individual into high energy zone. Thoughts about insecurities are very difficult to strike at this state. Engaging in new activities, especially physical in nature help a lot. Thus, many people after a bout of depression tend to take to gym or long distance running or photography which are mood enhancers as they are high energy activities that make it difficult for insecurities to come back.
They appear real and thus they instill fear
We strongly believe in our insecurities and thus any thoughts about our insecurities always appear real. However, they are just as real or false as our abilities and the thoughts about our abilities. The truth, as always, lies somewhere in between. As we continue to fuel thoughts about our insecurities they tend to become solid believable images and appear real. We become serious about them and they become insurmountable mental blocks. We need to realize that at the end of the day this is just an image and it can be changed. What matters is whether we believe in these images. Therefore, we need to learn to take life a bit easy, be able to laugh at our insecurities and build an image about ourselves which is favorable to us. Knowing the fact that everybody has their own insecurities, is one way to calm ourselves down. We must accept that we can’t be good at everything and bad at nothing. We need to be able to laugh and joke about our drawbacks and shortcomings which basically beak the image we tend create about our insecurities.
Appreciate the capabilities you have and also appreciate the shortcomings. Learn to embrace yourself along with all the shortcomings. Feel happy that everyone suffers from insecurities. Do not dwell on it much, keep moving, keep the energy high, break the worry habit and replace mental images of insecurity with favorable images of strength, parity and Happiness. That’s the only way of leading a happy and fulfilled life.